Thoughts are NOT facts: Learning to unhook from unhelpful thinking

Have upsetting thoughts ever echoed on repeat?

💭“I’m not good enough.”

💭“I’ll never cope.”

💭“Things will never change.”

When these thoughts arrive, they can feel heavy, almost like undeniable truths. Yet, thoughts are not facts. They are mental events: stories the mind tells, often automatic and sometimes misleading. With practice, it is possible to notice thoughts without being governed by them, opening space for relief and hope.

Why thoughts feel so convincing

The human brain is primed to detect threat, an evolutionary safeguard known as the negativity bias. This bias means we naturally pay more attention to worries and self-criticism than neutral or positive thoughts (Baumeister et al., 2001). Just one negative thought can drown out a chorus of affirming ones. Baumeister and colleagues (2001) encourage us to remember that a persistent thought is not the same as reality.

What does “Unhooking” look like?

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) names this process cognitive defusion (Hayes et al., 2011). Picture a fish snagged on a hook, dragged by movements other than its own. Similarly, we can become “hooked” by our thinking. Defusion does not “delete” the thought but gently weakens its grip. With practice, you can observe your thoughts rather than become swept along by them.

Simple tools to get unstuck

• Name the thought:

  Say, “I’m noticing the thought that I’m a failure.” This mindful phrasing builds distance and choice.

• See thoughts as passing clouds:

  Visualise thoughts floating through your mind’s sky, some dark, some light, all moving on eventually.

• Ground in the present:

  Anchor attention in the body or in your surroundings. Noticing a breath, the earth under your feet, or soothing sound, especially the natural world, as this helps settle the mind (Kotera et al., 2022).

• Notice with animals:

  Horses in equine-assisted therapy respond to how we show up, not our thoughts. When we quiet the mind and focus on calm awareness, horses often mirror that peace, reminding us that nonjudgmental presence, not overthinking, deepens connection (Pendry & Roeter, 2021).

When extra help is needed

Sometimes, self-help strategies offer only limited relief, especially when facing depression, trauma, or profound grief. If persistent negative thoughts begin to interfere with daily life, reaching out for counselling can provide a confidential, supportive space and evidence-based tools to navigate emotional challenges. In times like these, connecting with a qualified mental health professional offers skilled guidance and helps restore wellbeing and hope, making it easier to access lasting change and renewed resilience

Gentle reflection

Thoughts do not define the person you are, and they are not in charge of your life. With time and support, it is possible to notice thoughts, let them go, and re-engage with life’s meaning and relationships.

References

Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.5.4.323journals.sagepub

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Kotera, Y., Richardson, M., & Sheffield, D. (2022). Effects of shinrin-yoku (forest bathing) and nature therapy on mental health: A systematic review and meta-analysis. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 20(1), 337–361. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-020-00363-4

Pendry, P., & Roeter, S. (2021). Experimental trial demonstrates positive impact of equine-assisted learning on child social competence. Human–Animal Interaction Bulletin, 9(1), 1–18.