When the Holidays Hurt: Holding Loneliness, Loss, and Meaning During the Festive Season

Holidays are often framed as a time of togetherness, rest, and celebration. Yet for many people, this season carries an unexpected emotional weight. Alongside moments of connection, there can be loneliness, grief, exhaustion, or a quiet sense of dislocation (Bloom, 2024; Collapse Club, 2024). Naming this reality matters. When we acknowledge that festive seasons can be psychologically complex, we take an important step toward protecting mental health and responding to ourselves with honesty and care (Wong, 2013; Wong, 2017).

Why the holidays can feel especially hard

For some, the holidays shine a light on what is missing rather than what is present. Bereavement, estrangement, relationship breakdowns, or physical distance from loved ones can turn images of joyful gatherings into painful reminders of loss or disconnection (Bloom, 2024; Collapse Club, 2024; bMindful Psychology, 2024). For others, family gatherings are less about warmth and more about navigating criticism, unresolved conflict, or long-standing relational wounds (NAMI, 2024).

At the same time, cultural narratives of the “perfect” holiday—happy families, abundant meals, effortless joy—can quietly intensify shame or self-doubt when lived experience does not match the ideal (Psychology Today, 2024a; Newport Healthcare, 2025). Many people also notice a worsening of existing mental health challenges. Disrupted routines, financial strain, sleep changes, and increased alcohol use can amplify symptoms of anxiety, depression, or trauma-related conditions (PTSD UK, 2023; NJAMHAA, 2024). For those who are neurodivergent, introverted, or living with PTSD, the sensory and social demands of the season can feel particularly overwhelming (PTSD UK, 2023).

When someone is already isolated or living alone, the strong emphasis on “togetherness” can deepen feelings of invisibility rather than ease them (Spire Occupational Health, 2025). In these moments, distress is not a personal failure—it is a human response to complex relational and contextual realities.

Naming and validating your experience

One of the most protective psychological acts during this time is to name your experience without judgment. It is possible to feel grateful and lonely, relieved and sad, hopeful and grief-stricken—sometimes all in the same day. Allowing this complexity reduces the extra layer of suffering that comes from believing you shouldn’t feel the way you do (Wong et al., 2022a; Wong et al., 2022b).

Gentle reflection can help: What does this season actually stir in me? What do these feelings reveal about what I value or need right now? Existential and positive psychology both emphasise that facing reality directly—rather than bypassing pain—is an act of courage and often the starting point for growth and meaning (Wong, 2017; Wong et al., 2021).

Rewriting the meaning of the season

Holidays carry inherited meanings shaped by family traditions, religion, culture, and consumer expectations. When these meanings hurt rather than heal, it can be deeply restorative to consciously redefine what this season represents for you. Existential positive psychology suggests that meaning-making—choosing how we relate to unavoidable pain—can foster what Wong describes as tragic optimism: a form of hope that does not deny suffering, but co-exists with it (Wong et al., 2021; Wong et al., 2022a).

This might mean deciding that this year the season is about rest rather than obligation, simplicity rather than excess, or remembering rather than performing happiness. Small, symbolic rituals can offer structure and purpose: lighting a candle for someone you miss, writing a letter you never send, spending intentional time in nature, or choosing a single word or intention for the season (Wong et al., 2022b).

Designing gentler, values-based rituals

If traditional celebrations feel inaccessible or activating, you are allowed to design alternatives that respect your nervous system and your reality. This might look like a quiet meal with one trusted person, a brief visit instead of a full-day gathering, or time alone in nature rather than crowded social events (NewYork-Presbyterian, 2025; First Line Counseling, 2019). The aim is not avoidance, but right-sizing experiences so they remain meaningful rather than overwhelming.

Practical supports—setting time limits, planning an exit strategy, or scheduling recovery time before and after events—can make a significant difference, particularly when family interactions are emotionally taxing (Lenmed, 2024; SACAP, n.d.).

Setting boundaries with compassion

Boundaries are not acts of rejection; they are acts of care. During high-pressure seasons, protecting your mental health may mean declining certain invitations, limiting sensitive topics, or choosing distance from people who are consistently unsafe or demeaning (Bloom, 2024; NAMI, 2024). While guilt often accompanies boundary-setting—especially in cultures that prioritise obligation—psychologically, boundaries preserve your capacity to show up with integrity where connection is possible.

A helpful reframe is: I am not shutting people out; I am taking responsibility for my wellbeing so I can engage authentically where I can (Wong et al., 2022a).

Seeking connection in flexible ways

Loneliness is not only about being physically alone; it is about feeling unseen or misunderstood. Research consistently shows that the quality of connection matters more than the quantity (Fritz et al., n.d.). When family relationships are unavailable or unsafe, connection can be sought through friends, chosen family, community groups, faith spaces, neighbors, or even carefully chosen online communities (Hollander, 2025).

Often, starting small—one message, one call, one shared activity—is more realistic and sustainable than aiming for sudden, sweeping change (First Line Counseling, 2019). Gentle connection still counts.

Acts of self-transcendence and service

Paradoxically, when personal pain feels heavy, turning outward can be stabilising. Existential positive psychology highlights self-transcendence—connecting to causes, communities, nature, or animals beyond the self—as a core dimension of wellbeing (Wong, 2017). Acts of service, whether formal or informal, can restore a sense of mattering and belonging.

This might involve volunteering, helping a neighbour, supporting someone else who is alone, spending time with animals, or engaging in environmental or community care aligned with your values. Even small acts of kindness can shift the inner story from “I am alone and powerless” to “I still have something meaningful to offer”—a shift associated with improved mental health outcomes (Zheng et al., 2025).

Gentle, meaning-oriented self-care

Holiday self-care is often portrayed as indulgence or distraction. From an existential and positive psychology perspective, effective self-care is both soothing and purposeful. Practices such as mindful breathing, journaling, prayer or meditation, and gentle movement can help regulate emotional intensity and create space for intentional responses rather than automatic reactions (Zhai et al., 2024; Wong et al., 2022b).

Maintaining a simple daily structure—regular meals, sleep, quiet time, and a few nourishing activities—can provide psychological containment when days feel unanchored (PTSD UK, 2023). Creative expression, time with animals, or immersion in natural spaces can further restore a sense of agency and vitality, even when external circumstances remain unchanged.

When to seek additional support

Sometimes holiday distress exceeds what can be carried alone. Persistent hopelessness, thoughts of self-harm, heavy substance use, or difficulty managing daily tasks are signs that additional support is needed (NJAMHAA, 2024; GF Clinic, 2025). Reaching out to a mental health professional or crisis service is not a failure—it is an act of responsibility and self-respect. Professional support can help contain distress, clarify what is happening beneath the surface, and develop a compassionate plan for navigating the season (Jessen et al., 2007; Wong et al., 2022b).

Holding the season honestly

Recognising that holidays can be painful does not negate moments of joy. Rather, it allows for a fuller, more truthful human experience. By naming your reality, redefining meaning, setting compassionate boundaries, seeking flexible connection, engaging in self-transcendence, and practising gentle, values-based self-care, it is possible to move through this season in ways that honour both your vulnerability and your capacity for resilience and growth (Wong, 2017; Wong et al., 2021; Wong et al., 2022a).

References

Bloom, S. (2024, June 9). Maintaining mental health during the holiday season. Bloom.

bMindful Psychology. (2024, December 1). Christmas and loneliness. bMindful Psychology.

Collapse Club. (2024, December 22). Social isolation during the holiday season. Collapse Club.

Discovery Health. (1998, December 31). Look after your mental health during the holidays. Discovery.

First Line Counseling. (2019, December 31). Five kinds of holiday loneliness and how to cope. First Line Counseling.

Fritz, J., et al. (n.d.). The importance of positive factors in protecting adverse mental health. CORE.

GF Clinic. (2025, August 27). Holiday blues and depression: Mental health tips. GF Clinic.

Harvard Medical School. (2024, December 31). Holiday stress and the brain. Harvard Medical School.

Hollander, S. L. (2025, November 22). Holiday loneliness: How to cope. Susan L. Hollander, PhD.

Jessen, G., et al. (2007, March 31). The Christmas effect on psychopathology. Ugeskrift for Laeger. 

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3257984/

Lenmed. (2024, December 12). Supporting your mental health during the holidays. Lenmed.

McLoughlin, G. (n.d.). Virtues as protective factors for adolescent mental health. Journal of Research on Adolescence.

National Alliance on Mental Illness. (2024, February 6). Surviving painful holiday emotions. NAMI.

New Jersey Association of Mental Health and Addiction Agencies. (2024, December 10). Holiday blues can induce or exacerbate mental health conditions. NJAMHAA.

Newport Healthcare. (2025, November 16). How to recognize and navigate trauma triggers during the holidays. Newport Healthcare.

NewYork-Presbyterian. (2025, November 25). 5 tips to find connection this holiday season and manage loneliness. Health Matters.

Pavilion WP. (2025, November 13). How to cope with loneliness during the holidays. Pavilion WP.

PTSD UK. (2023, March 13). Dealing with PTSD over the holidays. PTSD UK.

SACAP. (n.d.). Managing mental health and holiday stress. SACAP.

Spire Occupational Health. (2025, December 1). Loneliness and connection during the holidays. Spire Occupational Health.

Wong, P. T. P. (2013). What is existential positive psychology? INPM.

Wong, P. T. P. (2017, March 21). Existential positive psychology. INPM.

Wong, P. T. P. (2019, December 31). Existential positive psychology and integrative meaning therapy. Frontiers in Psychiatry.

Wong, P. T. P., Mayer, C.-H., & Arslan, G. (2021). Finding meaning amidst COVID-19: An existential positive psychology model of suffering. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 641747.

Wong, P. T. P., Cowden, R. G., & Mayer, C.-H. (2022a). Existential positive psychology (EPP). Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 940856.

Wong, P. T. P., Cowden, R. G., & Mayer, C.-H. (2022b). Positive and existential psychology in times of change. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 9763890.

Zhai, J., et al. (2024, May 5). The protective role of curiosity behaviors in coping with existential threats. BMC Psychology.

Zheng, Y., et al. (2025, November 25). The role of personality, spiritual fitness, and positive mental health in [title truncated]. Scientific Reports.